Saturday, January 11, 2014

Believe

I have a very good friend that mentioned to me she has a word of the year.  I can honestly say that I had never heard of this before.  Then, I noticed that one of my very favorite authors, who is a Christian and writes some devotions, posted on her facebook that she has a word of the year.  A couple of days later, one of my online devotions mentioned a word of the year and even encouraged those who had never had a word of the year to pray to God and ask Him to lay a word on your heart.  Well I did and my word was believe.

And you know me, I had to question the Lord, why believe?  Lord, You know I believe in You.  Why would you give me the word believe.  His answer surprised and shocked me.  He said, you have to learn to believe in yourself, you have to learn to believe in your dreams, you have to learn to believe in your life.  Then He continued with, you know the verses, "Be still and know that I am God" and "I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me" and you know that I answers prayers; but there is a difference in knowing in believing.  WOW!  Talk about the Lord slapping you in the face with a wake up call.  For further confirmation, the next day a very good friend of mine sent me her devotional for the day.  It was on bold prayers.  It asked a simple question, do you pray boldly or conservatively?  Then went on to describe some great people in the bible who prayed audaciously with a bold faith.  After reading that, the Lord spoke to me again.  He said when you believe in your prayers and yourself, you will begin to pray audaciously with a bold faith.  My greatest desire is for you to pray like that to Me.  The Lord actually wants little ole me, to pray audaciously to Him?!?!  What a great and joyful gift!  That makes me want to get up and shout to the top lungs, my God wants me to pray to Him audaciously!!

We are taking a journey thru the year with believe this year.  I hope you will enjoy taking this journey with me!!

Lots of love!!

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Why Perfection??

WHY DO I DEMAND PERFECTION?!?!?!?!

The book that my Ladie's Bible Study is currently going thru is "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World".  I never realized how much I need this study until tonight....

What happened you ask?

Well....One of the things on my agenda for today was to take the Christmas tree down and get the living room back set up like it was.  Well, all Christmas long, I have wanted a picture of Dixie in front of the Christmas tree.  Actually, the whole time that we have been married I have wanted a picture of the 3 of us in front of the tree, but it never happens.  Well tonight, it was just Dixie and I at the house & without Aaron here to distract her, I just new it was the perfect (there goes that word) time to do it.  Well, I take her regular necklace (collar) off and put her Christmas bell necklace on and try to get her to sit in front of the tree.  It took a whole lot to get her to stay there, but she wouldn't give me that perfect look.  So what do I do?  I lost it.  When I say I lost it, I mean I really lost it.  I started screaming and hollering and yes, I will admit it, I even cussed at her.  Why?  Because she wouldn't give me the perfection, that I demanded.

That really got me thinking.  Why do I demand perfection of others?  And I know that I do.  Everything is supposed to be how my mind thinks it should be.  I don't allow room for mistakes, I want everything absolutely perfect.  And when it's not, I lose it.  Why?  All it does it gets me upset and gets everyone around me upset.

In between the tears it really got me thinking, why do I demand perfection of others, when I don't do my best to be and give perfection to those around me.  There is only one perfect person in this world & He doesn't demand perfection.  He demands love, but not perfection.  He wants to try to be perfect in building a relationship with Him, but I always put Him on the back burner and give Him the little snippets & scraps I have left at the end of the day.

I know that I am wrong.  One of my focus goals for the year, is to try to quit being so hard on others - to realize that I don't give perfection of myself to others & I can't demand something of them that I'm not in turn giving to them.  I need a calmer heart.  I need a heart that is ready to accept others flaws, mistakes, and mishaps.  Please pray along with me that God will guide my heart into this direction while at the same time He demands perfection of me in my time and relationship with Him.

Today has been a choppy ride, but hopefully there will be some days of smoother sailing up ahead.  Much love to you and yours!!

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

New Day New Year

Wow!  I guess it has been a while since I have been up here.  Hard to believe that it is 2014 already.  Where did 2013 go??  It seems like it was just yesterday that we were moving.  Hard to believe that was 5 months ago.

It's been a crazy couple of months.  Ran my 2nd 5k in October and met my goal!!  My goal was to finish in 50 minutes or less and I have finished in 50:01.  Was going to do a 5k in December, but got a nasty respiratory infection that took me 2 rounds of antibiotics to get rid of.  Every time I got hot, I would cough really bad, sometimes until I would throw up.  Not a fun situation.  With that being said, you can understand why I haven't ran in 2 months.  Its time to get back to it though.  I honestly miss running.  Who would have ever thought those words would come out of my mouth?!?!

On the pregnancy front, we are still trying to get there.  Blood work is still outrageous.  Back taking trilipex full time.  We go back in a couple of weeks, hoping and praying the blood work has come down.  Honestly though, with all of the junk that I have eaten the past few weeks, I am expecting it to be worse.  But today is the first day of a new year and today is the first day of a recommitment.  Time to get back on the proverbial horse and get back to work. 

Speaking of recommitment, Aaron said something in church last week that really stuck with me.  He said that most resolutions don't make it past January 2nd, so instead of making resolutions we need to make commitments and covenants.  It is easy to turn our backs on a resolution, but making a commitment is a totally different story.  So, with that being said, I recommit to start back to my running.  I recommit to being a healthier me.  I recommit to being a happier me.  I recommit to my relationship with Christ. 

What are your commitments for 2014?

Monday, September 23, 2013

Run, Run, Run Away

Why, run away you ask, because that's what I have been doing, running away.
 From What?  Life

I've been running away from this blog for one, so here is an update....
  • We did get moved in with no problems at that end of July.  It has been an adjustment.  For one, I'm not used to living on a 5 lane highway, that has tons of traffic all hours of the night.  For two, it's a big adjustment living in a parsonage.  Though, I will say that it is nice not having to get up at 7 on Sundays to get ready for church.  I just walk out the front door, down the sidewalk, and right to the front door of the church.  Aaron is loving having all the restaurants and such a variety close by.  Which is part of the reason that I'm not losing like I should.
  • I went back to the dr last week.  I am still on the birth control & on the metformin.  I was down 8 pounds since my last visit in July.  I go back to the regular doctor next month for labs & to see what my blood levels look like.  If everything has come down & I can lose between 8-12 more pounds before I go back in November, then we can start some fertility testing!!
  • My Christian walk has not been what it should be.  I know that & have really been convicted of that.  Aaron's sermon last night really hit me hard.  During the invitation, I went to alter & asked God to forgive me & to help me draw closer to Him & seek Him first in all things.  I have started going to a ladies community Bible study.  So far, I am really enjoying it, eating up, & looking forward to it.  Some of my blog posts in the future may be more about devotions & my Christian journey than they are about fertility & that's ok because that means the Lord is answering my prayers!!
  • I have also been running away from my low-carb diet.  I know it.  That is something that I am always going to struggle with.  I had Aaron fix me an egg & cheese on english muffin this morning.  I ate that while I was driving.  I am going to have to start bringing me a morning snack.  I am starving & still have an hour or so before I get lunch.

RUN!!!
I have started running.  Well, it's running with a lot of walking mixed in!  I had my first 5k on September 13th.  The Electric Run in Raleigh.  It was rough because I am used to flat lands & pavement only.  This was at the fairgrounds.  Lots of hills & also on rocks.  I finished in 56 minutes.  I have my next 5k in La Grange on October 12th.  As far as I can tell, this is going to be a road run.  My goal is to finish in less than 50 minutes.  I think I can shave 6 minutes off the last time.  The only thing that is really going to be a downfall for me is that ever since the Raleigh run, I haven't been able to go a mile before my calves start cramping up & hurting really bad.  I have definitely got to start adding some cross training in the mix.  Honestly don't know how to get that done in my already packed day.  I will have to figure something out, that's the only my running is going to improve!

Lace up your shoes & let's go run down the road together!!  Lots of love!!

Monday, July 8, 2013

Bombs Away

Why bombs away you ask?  Well because that is what I have been doing the past week....bombing.  Bombing my low carb diet, bombing getting my body fit for fertility, bombing the promise I made to my husband & dr, just bombing!  This carboholic fell off the wagon and had waaaayyyy to many carbs.

If I want to make excuses for myself, I could and I have, but at the end of the day, the excuses produce negative results, not positive ones.  Making excuses makes me feel dumpy.  Somebody that feels dumpy can't get fit.  So, here's to no excuses, here's to owning up to it.  I ate way too many carbs!  I blew it!  There, I owned it.  Now, I'm back in the saddle today and I am STARVING!!!!  I had an Atkins bar for breakfast, string cheese for morning snack, Vi-Shake for lunch, grapes for afternoon snack.  Still have 30 minutes before I have to leave work and I am STARVING!!  I have had 60 oz of water so far, I know, I should have had 80 by now.  I am currently chewing a piece of gum and that isn't helping much.

Life has been crazy lately.  On June 30th, Aaron was voted in as pastor at New Hope Baptist Church in Kinston NC.  My downfall started on June 29th.  There was a covered dish supper at the church for a meet and greet.  I was really good with what I was getting on my plate.  Everybody kept telling me to get dessert & I kept declining.  My darling husband told me that I had to eat some dessert or I was going to offend people.  You DON'T tell a carboholic with a HIGH A1C to eat dessert.  A piece of pound cake & strawberry cheesecake decided it wanted me to eat it.  Then everyone fixed us a to go plate...desserts to take home.

Since we are moving at the end of this month, we have been making the rounds at our favorite restaurants.  Tuesday night I had lasagna at Mama's Pizza....honestly, it didn't taste as good as I remembered (could just be that after 5 weeks of no pasta, that I had built it up in my mind).  Thursday night at the fireworks I had 2 hot dogs, on the bun, pepsi, and ice cream.  Friday night was the holy grail.....pizza from La Casetta...no worries, after 5 weeks, it was better than I remembered and then some!  Saturday night was Chinese buffet (can we say 2 small bowls of fried rice AND ice cream).  Yesterday's lunch was San Jose, chips, chips, chips, and steak quesadilla (I ordered the plate, not knowing it came with 2 quesadillas)  I ate all but the big bite I shared with Aaron.  And last night's supper was leftover pizza.  There, I have gained 3 pounds and I am starving today.  Did I by any chance mention to you that I am starving.

Oh yeah, I guess I said that we were moving.  Yes, we are.  Aaron turned in his resignation yesterday.  He will preach at Community Center thru July 28th and our plan is to start moving on July 29th.  He will start August 1st at New Hope, with August 4th being his first day in the pulpit.  He's really excited and looking forward to it.  I do believe he plans on going in there with his feet firmly on the ground and ready to run, which in my opinion is the way to go.  Time will tell.  Prayers are greatly appreciated as we make this transition in our life.

I go back to the OB/GYN tomorrow.  Let's hope that her scales show a definite drop in weight.  I would really like for them to be 2-3 pounds lighter than when I was last there, but with with 3 pounds I gained since Thursday, I just don't see that happening.

Break time is over, time to start this treacherous, twisting climb again.  See you around the curve.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Fit for Fertility

I stole today's title from a facebook group I have found.

To start with.....
I can't believe that it has been OVER A MONTH since my last post.  I have GOT to become better DISCIPLINED.  Let me rephrase that....I WILL BECOME BETTER DISCIPLINED!!!

On the FERTILITY topic.....
I went to the OB/GYN last month like I said I was.  To start off with, she put me on Progesterone (hormones).  Let me tell you right now....for the 10 days I was taking, I felt WONDERFUL.  I was the old me again.  I was sleeping good, I was focused, I had energy, and I was just overall a happy person.  She ordered bloodwork (and this is where the downfall starts.....)  We have had to exit off of our current route and start a new journey.  My blood work was NOT good. :(  Everything is way out of whack and I am borderline diabetic.  So needless to say, baby making isn't in the cards right now.  Right now, the goal is to keep me alive and get me healthy.  She referred me to a nutritionist (which I go to tomorrow morning) and told me she definitely wants me on a low carb diet.  I have lost 4 pounds in the last 2 weeks and I do feel better.  I also started taking a birth-control pill 2 weeks ago.  That is to keep me from getting pregnant right now, as well as to try to get me ovulating monthly.  I can honestly say for the first time in several years, I am having a period for the 3rd month in a row.  Getting my numbers back and seeing how bad they were really scared me, but I think it finally gave Aaron and I both a wake up call that we needed.  He knows and understands that I can't do it by myself and he is cutting back as well.

And DietBet..........
I lost last month's bet .1.  Yes, you read that right point one as in one tenth of a pound.  That really broke my heart but has given me much needed motivation.  We surprised Aaron's parents that beginning of the month and went up there for his dad's 70th birthday.  5 days on the road and mountain food plus fast food, I gained 3 pounds.  I can say that I have gotten what I gained back off plus a couple more pounds.  That gain really hurt me as far as this month's dietbet goes.  I have to lose 4.2 pounds by next Wednesday to reach this month's goal.  I honestly don't see it happening, but will do my best and try my hardest.  I have to start back running & walking ASAP!!!  I have my first 5k in September and I haven't walked in 2 weeks.  I know that as soon as I start back, I can start dropping some more pounds, but I just can't seem to get motivated.

Well this a very bumpy ride with a steep incline, so I better jump off here and start the climb.  Hopefully we have eased over most of it will start to be smoother sailing soon.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

New Chapter

Oh wow.  It has been 9 months since I've lasted posted.  I guess that let's you know the way things have been going.  The weight loss is still a see-saw.  I lose 3 pounds and then gain 5, that sorta thing.  I have gotten refocused this month and am doing better, staying consistent.  I have started doing DietBet.  I started it in the beginning of April with my friend Rebecca.  The first half of the month I was doing good, but then I fell completely off the wagon.  It really stung that I had paid money to lose weight and then at the end of the "bet" weighed more that I when i started.  I started a new "bet" for the month of May.  My 4% goal for May is 8.6 pounds.  I gained a little over Mother's Day weekend with cookouts and family dinners, but I have stayed consistent and got that off, plus some more.  I currently have 12 days left in this bet and I have 1.5 pounds to go to make it.  I WILL DO IT!!

On a different note - Aaron turned 37 at the beginning of the month.  As he keeps reminding me that he's not getting any younger, I scheduled an appointment with my OB/GYN to start the fertility testing.  I have PCOS and don't ovulate and have periods.  I have been really bad about going, because I don't want to face the music.  I thought it had only been 2 years since I went, but was shocked to find out that I haven't been in 4 years.  Of course she jumped on my about my weight gain - 45 pounds since I was last there.  I go tomorrow for blood work and start taking hormone pills tonight.  My weight is something that I've got to get under control and we are going to start having appointments about my diet and nutrition.  With all of my health problems and medications, I know the weight is just making it worse and making it harder to get pregnant, if I even can.  To quote Dr Knuckles - I "have to get my body ready to fight, because it is going to be a fight to get pregnant".  She is really hoping that if I get some of the weight off, that I can get off of some of my meds.  And honestly, I think she is right and hoping it does as well.  

I know that I am going to have "bad" days where I want junk & pizza, and that's ok.  As long as I work hard, it's ok to "treat" myself some.  I know that I am going to have days when I gain, and that's ok to.  I just can't let a gain get me off track like I normally do.  When I have a gain, I just know that i have to work that much harder to get it back off.

 This is just the ammunition I need to keep me focused and on track.  I am going to continue to do DietBet's because money is great motivation.  Getting healthier and feeling better about myself is great motivation.  Having a baby is great motivation!  If I can't do it with all of these motivators, I don't know what can make me do it.

Since we are now traveling a new road that I haven't traveled before, I better get off here and pay attention to the road.  While flying around the curves, I will be working on my curves!  Wave when you pass me!!

Happy Birthday Mama!!!  I love you!!