Monday, June 23, 2014

Left or Right?!?!

I am having one of those conflicting days.  The devil is really on my back this morning.  I see something positive that uplifts me and then the devil throws a wrench in those plans and makes me question "Why not me?"

I am going to run with that thought for a minute.  No, I'm not going to let the devil win, just bear with me, I think you will like where the Lord is leading me with this.  Why not me Lord?  Why do everyone else's dreams get to come true except for mine?  Why do other ministry couples get to have fruitful ministries?  Why can't I have the perfect body?  Why can't I have a healthy body?  Why can't I run a 10 minute mile?  Why can't I make more money?  Why can't I afford to do things that I desire?  Why can't I have a baby?  Why can't I make all of Aaron's dreams come true?  Why can't I speak eloquent words?  Why can't I write beautiful blogs?  Why can't I do this and why can't I do that?  You know it's normal for Christians to feel like this sometimes.  It's how we handle these questions that either draws us closer to the Lord or lets the devil win.  It's time like this when I have to listen to the promises of the Lord.  In Jeremiah 29:11 the Lord makes a promise to me that soothes my soul - "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to to give you hope and a future."  This tells me that His plan and mine aren't currently aligned.  Now it's time for me to turn to Him and seek His face and ask Him to show me the way, to guide down the path that He has set just for me - and ask Him to help me follow His plan for my life.  When I do that, my dreams will align with His and will come to fruition.

There is so much to be heard about prayer - sermons, scripture, devotions, hymns, songs - but why don't we listen?  Why do we chose to handle so much in this world on our own instead of turning to Him first.  My Proverbs 31 devotion talked about that this morning.  When is it something major, we turn to Him to him first, but the little stuff we try to handle on our own and only turn to Him once we become completely exasperated and feel like we are at our wit's end.

Lord, my desire is to turn to You in all things.  Help me to have a humble heart.  Help me dear Lord to seek You first.  Lord, fill my heart like You have never filled me before.  Guide and direct me Lord.  Show me the path and guide me dear Lord.  Help me to follow the plans that you have set for me.  Lord, I know the future is uncertain for us right now, but Lord I know You have plans for us.  Help us to seek You out in this plan.  Help us to follow your guidance.  Lord, help us to glorify Your name, help us to prosper.  Thank You sweet Jesus for the work that I know that you are going to do in our lives.  Thank You for loving me!!

Monday, June 16, 2014

What To Do

"Lord, I don't know what to do.  Lord, I don't know what to say.  Lord, I don't know where to go."
This song is my heart today.
I know in my last post, I told you we were going thru some things at church and we had both been really hurt.  Well, things aren't seeming to get any better.  If anything, it's getting worse.  We both know that it is time to go.  That hurts alot, because we had planned on making this our home - this is where we were going to put down roots and start and raise our family.  It just really hurts. 

"Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you" (Psalm 25:4-5).

"Our soul waiteth for the Lord: He is our help and our shield."  Psalm 33.20. 

Lord, I don't know what to do.  Lord, I don't know which way to turn.  Please Lord, forgive me for trying to be strong and trying to carry this weight on my own.  Forgive me dear Lord, for not turning to you.  Please forgive me Lord for not drawing my strength from you at this time.  Lord, please forgive me, wash me clean oh Lord.  Lord thank you for loving me and saving me.  Lord thank you for never forsaking me.  Lord please guide me and direct me.  Lord please speak to my heart, calm my fears, untie this uneasiness that is all tied up in me.  Calm me and soothe me in a way that only You can do my sweet Jesus.  Lord, I know that I have failed you.  I have failed you so many times.  Oh please forgive me my failures and my sins.  Help me Lord to follow the path that You have set before me.  Help me to stay in the center of your will.  
Lord there is so much uncertainty right now for the future and Lord you know that I don't do well with that.  I am already stressing Lord.  And I know that by not turning to you first that I am making it worse on my self.  Lord, please help me draw from Your strength right now.  Wrap me tight in Your loving arms my sweet Jesus.  Lord I don't know where we are going, but Lord as long as we are running to You and letting You carry us and guide us and direct us, then Lord, I know it will all work out.  Please guide us and speak to us like you never have before Lord.  I know that neither one of us are perfect and that we have broken Your precious heart and hurt You more times than we ever should have.  Oh Lord, please forgive us.  Lord, You know the desires of our heart.  You know our desires to put down roots and start a family.  Lord, You also know that in the last two moves that I have been selfish and made the demands on Aaron to keep me within a hour of CBC and Lord, now I have to truly question was that Your Will?  Are we in the position that we are in because I didn't follow Your Will but my own heart?  Oh Lord, I am so so sorry.  Please forgive me Lord.  Strengthen me Lord.  Guide me and Direct me Lord.  Speak to me as You have never spoken to me before.  Please Lord help me to keep from failing You but also from failing Aaron.  Lord, you know how much I love my job, but Lord today, I turn that all over to You.  Lord, if it is your desire to put us elsewhere, Lord I know that it's Your Will and that as long as I stay faithful to You, we will thrive.  Lord, put us in a place to thrive.  Lord, my heart desires to see Aaron thrive in ministry.  And Lord I now realize that he may not be thriving because of my own selfishness.  Oh Lord, how I have failed you both miserably.  Please forgive me Lord.  Lord, work in us like you never have before.   Lord, truly guide us and direct us.  Speak to us Lord.  Help us to be Your willing humble servants and vessels.  Help us to thrive Lord.  Lord, help me to BELIEVE!!
I love you Lord!! In Your Holy Name I Pray, Amen