This song is my heart today.
I know in my last post, I told you we were going thru some things at church and we had both been really hurt. Well, things aren't seeming to get any better. If anything, it's getting worse. We both know that it is time to go. That hurts alot, because we had planned on making this our home - this is where we were going to put down roots and start and raise our family. It just really hurts.
"Show me the right path, O LORD; point out the road for me to follow. Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you" (Psalm 25:4-5).
"Our soul waiteth for the Lord: He is our help and our shield." Psalm 33.20.
Lord, I don't know what to do. Lord, I don't know which way to turn. Please Lord, forgive me for trying to be strong and trying to carry this weight on my own. Forgive me dear Lord, for not turning to you. Please forgive me Lord for not drawing my strength from you at this time. Lord, please forgive me, wash me clean oh Lord. Lord thank you for loving me and saving me. Lord thank you for never forsaking me. Lord please guide me and direct me. Lord please speak to my heart, calm my fears, untie this uneasiness that is all tied up in me. Calm me and soothe me in a way that only You can do my sweet Jesus. Lord, I know that I have failed you. I have failed you so many times. Oh please forgive me my failures and my sins. Help me Lord to follow the path that You have set before me. Help me to stay in the center of your will.
Lord there is so much uncertainty right now for the future and Lord you know that I don't do well with that. I am already stressing Lord. And I know that by not turning to you first that I am making it worse on my self. Lord, please help me draw from Your strength right now. Wrap me tight in Your loving arms my sweet Jesus. Lord I don't know where we are going, but Lord as long as we are running to You and letting You carry us and guide us and direct us, then Lord, I know it will all work out. Please guide us and speak to us like you never have before Lord. I know that neither one of us are perfect and that we have broken Your precious heart and hurt You more times than we ever should have. Oh Lord, please forgive us. Lord, You know the desires of our heart. You know our desires to put down roots and start a family. Lord, You also know that in the last two moves that I have been selfish and made the demands on Aaron to keep me within a hour of CBC and Lord, now I have to truly question was that Your Will? Are we in the position that we are in because I didn't follow Your Will but my own heart? Oh Lord, I am so so sorry. Please forgive me Lord. Strengthen me Lord. Guide me and Direct me Lord. Speak to me as You have never spoken to me before. Please Lord help me to keep from failing You but also from failing Aaron. Lord, you know how much I love my job, but Lord today, I turn that all over to You. Lord, if it is your desire to put us elsewhere, Lord I know that it's Your Will and that as long as I stay faithful to You, we will thrive. Lord, put us in a place to thrive. Lord, my heart desires to see Aaron thrive in ministry. And Lord I now realize that he may not be thriving because of my own selfishness. Oh Lord, how I have failed you both miserably. Please forgive me Lord. Lord, work in us like you never have before. Lord, truly guide us and direct us. Speak to us Lord. Help us to be Your willing humble servants and vessels. Help us to thrive Lord. Lord, help me to BELIEVE!!
I love you Lord!! In Your Holy Name I Pray, Amen