Saturday, June 23, 2012

Complete Overhaul

As you can tell, it's been a while since I have posted, so you know that means I haven't been following my Visalus and have gained weight.....6 pounds and 2.25 inches to be exact.

I really had a major epiphany tonight and hopefully this is just what I needed.  While at my aunt and uncle's house, in shorts, I noticed how long the hair on my legs was (gross, I know), but the truth of the matter is, that has become the norm for me.  I know with the weight gain I have become a little bit depressed, but at the same time, I have quit taking care of me because I just didn't feel like I deserved it.  I have only been shaving my legs about every 2 weeks, (again, gross, I know), but it's reality, I haven't been wearing any makeup or fixing my hair, I never wear any jewelry, or take time to make sure I look nice when I get dressed.  I feel frumpy, therefore, I have become frumpy.  I know I deserve better, but I also know that Aaron deserves better.  I was doing so well with getting up in the morning and going walking/running but it didn't take long before that stopped.  If it means that I have to drink a whole bottle of water before going to bed at night, so that I have to get up and pee and that will make go walking in the morning, then dammit that's what I am going to do.  The only way that my body is going to change is if my mind and heart changes.  I have to tell myself that it is occasionally ok to have a cheeseburger, but having one for lunch one day doesn't mean having a cheeseburger, french fries, and a milkshake the next day and the day after that and the day after that, etc.  You get the picture.  But that has been my reality, but right now starts a new reality.  Each and every day is a new day and yesterday's choices and decisions will not affect today's.  And that new reality and new day starts now!!

I just took a long shower, complete with shaving my legs.  Afterwards I did something I haven't done in a long time, but need to be doing everyday....putting lotion on!  I know, that seems insignificant to most, but it really is major to me.  I deserve to have lotion on my legs and arms no matter what my weight is or what I have eaten that day!  I deserve to be and feel beautiful about myself and I am the only one that can change that mindset!

With all that's time to go drink a whole bottle of water and an Advil so I can get up in the morning to go pee and then go walk/run.

Much love and hopefully this overhauled engine will keep on going!!

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